Hi, Loralee Lass, 5/15/2010
I'm sorry we did not get the chance to have lunch together before you left town. I do hope your journey has been successful and that this finds you well and situated in your new living environment. You may or may not have heard that your aunt Gail has been evicted from the place she has been living. Evidently the security cameras caught her pushing another of the residents rather forcefully, so she was asked to move before Monday night. I have been thinking of your first days on this earth and how you and I established our relationship. Just about a week after you were born, I put you and Pat on a plane in Syracuse, N.Y. to fly to Denver. We had packed and shipped all our household goods from the place where we lived in Rome, N.Y. in order to move to my new assignment as a classroom teacher at Lowry AFB. Your crib had been shipped so you slept between me and Pat on a pallet on the floor the last few nights. After I put you all on the plane, Gay and I drove across the U.S. in my old VW Fastback. You and Pat were to stay with my new boss in Denver until we arrived. Then we would look for a place to live. Your grandmommie also flew from Houston to Denver to help Pat with you since Pat was still fairly weak from childbirth and needed help. It was a Monday evening when Gay and I arrived. I finally found the place where you were staying and knocked on the door. Of course there were greetings all around among the adults - I had never met my new boss, MSgt Garner, until that moment. My mother was holding you and she said to me, "Paul, watch the way this child's eyes follow you as you move around." It was true. You seemed to hone in on my voice and focus your eyes on me and my movements and not on anyone else. Not only was it fascinating, it was very endearing and set you apart as a precious part of my life. We did not stay with the Garners long, but found a couple of rooms in a very bad part of town to stay while we waited for base housing to come available. Since we could not get our furniture delivered, you slept in a dresser drawer lined with a soft blanket from our bed and your own covers. Every evening when I would come home from work, you'd perk up, and your eyes would focus toward where I was standing/talking with Pat or with Gay. You would wait until I got to you...no crying, and I would pick you up and hold you in my arms and tell you how nice it was to see you again after being away for the day. After I ate my supper, I would give you a bottle of milk, burp you and put you in your dresser drawer to sleep for the night. I don't remember that you ever woke me, but you probably did...either me or Pat, most babies do. But I do remember that you put an indelible impression on me with your eyes looking for me among all those making a sound in your sphere. Another story to add to your collection of being a perfect child in every respect! I love you very much, my daughter. Be good to yourself, and let me hear from you as soon as you can.Your daddy,PaulWednesday, October 5, 2022
Writing Blog/Assignment for voice class..again
03 MAR09
I didn’t come to class. I really needed a mental health day. There is just so much going on—some good and some bad.
Linda was right in her comments in my journal. I’m not getting enough sleep. I’m working 33 hours a week—33 of which are done between Monday at 8:05 a.m. and Thursday at 11:30 p.m. I’m also taking 12 hours of classes.
Additionally, I’m really worried about my niece. She is 15 and making some really bad decisions in her life. So, I’m feeling a lot of stress.
O5MAR09
We did a bit more breathing. I was having a hard time focusing. It is partially because of my lack of sleep and partially because an interzaction near the beginning of class had me distracted in a negatrive way. I had a hard time getting my focus in.
While Britney and matt and I did our group lines, I still had a hard time focusing on me. But I could tell a little discomfort in Britney and quite a bit in matt. His discomfort was partially because he didn’t know his lines really well. Alos, I think he has a really big issue with talking—in more than a personal, casual way—in front of crowds, He is no Loralee Ford, yeah? As far as I go, I just couldn’t get the breaths right. It is not as if I don’t know how to do it. I was uncomfortable physically and emotionally. I am writing this on the 10th, even though it is for the 5th. My emotional health is better, but I’m still uncomfortable in both realms. My hope is that the 4 days I have to rest and be creative over spring break will ground me again. It seems really important for me to be creative regularly.
10MAR09
We all had to do our monologue with just Linda. It was interesting. Just having to perform such a personally emotional monologue in front of someone really brought the feelings to the surface. It was hard to do. I’m not sure I was breathing right or thinking of any of the important things that Linda has been trying to teach us. I was just so emotionally connected to the piece because of my parents and my niece. I really hope that someday there will be a useful, helpful way for me to harness all this emotion/pain/hurt whatever that lives inside of me.
It was hard, but I did it, tears and all. I was pleased to hear that I have an “A”. what that means for me is that if I keep the same effort or better, I should be able to keep that grade. I really need to bring up my GPA.
Her suggestion that I try to connect with my senses—not my mind—will be very hard for me. I’ll just have to practice.
10-12MAR09
I’m amazed at how much breathing in a “drop breath” kind of way is helpful in every day life. It helps me fall asleep. It helps me calm d own. Even when I’m rehearsing for my beginning acting class on an empty University Tram back from San Antonio at 10:45 at night. When I warm up my voice and breath I find I can reach the end of a spoken or sung line without having to take another breath whereas before hand, I’d run out of breath before the line ended. I find it refreshing and sometimes I even smile to myself when I realize that I did something better because Is at up straight and breathed properly.
12MAR09
Class was sparse today. But oddly, it added an intimacy that made it more confortable. First we laid down on our back breathing and “ohm-ing.” Our task was to feel the vibrations in our bodies. Because I’ve had voice lessons in the past, I knew what to expect. But strangely—this time—I felt the vibrations in nearly all my body, not just my nose, face, and sinus cavities. While on my back, I felt the vibrations in my neck, chest, and head and my stomach and pelvis area. Even all the way down my legs to my inferior tibia-fibula area. I didn’t feel them in my feet or my arms (excepting a tiny bit in my wrists)
When we sat up, I really only felt the vibrations from my 12th rib upward. I find this odd but since I’m always having discomfort in my back in that position in class, I suspect that there is a disconnect between the two halves of my body when I sit. Since there is a straight aligned body when I am flast on my back, the disconnect doesn’t happen, perhaps? The singing of snippets of songs was great! The ohm-ing must have really warmed up my voice because it felts so strong. Though I felt the tiniest bit of discomfort singing the notes on the extreme edge of my range, the rest of them—even the somewhat higher ones which usually trouble me—were easy as pie.
Spring Break-2009
The road trip was fun and I was in the DFW area quite a bit because most of my visits were there. I got to sing and feel vibrations a lot because they have an oldies station—two in fact—in the metroplex area. I really had a great time singing the oldies for four days straight. I must admit that though I paid attention to the vibrations some of the time, I just had fun the rest of the time.
24MAR09
I was not feeling well, so if there was any growth or usefulness in this class, I don’t remember much. I was late and didn’t know it yet but had the beginnings of a viral infection. Blech.
26MAR09
I didn’t know go to school or work per doctor’s orders.
31MAR09
We did some breathing/diaphragm exercises which were very unique. We positioned our mouths in the “O” position and then quickly panted our breaths. The purpose was, I believe, to become aware of our diaphragm which worked very well. I could feel it moving very easily. However, it was easier when the breaths were slower. The faster we went, the less able I was to easily discern the movement of the diaphragm.
Linda allowed me to read my poem “like alice.” I swear I can practice it a million times and not cry, but reciting something so close to my heart was really hard and I think there was a tear in my voice when I reached the end. Though the poem was written two years ago, some of its aspect are still valid in my life. Perhaps, that is why it was so emotional for me at this time.
Joanna approached me after class and had some really great things to say about it. And she even understood some things that I think some of the others didn’t. As a creator, it is so nice to hear the positives about your creations.
I was in a car accident today, so I ‘m sore all over.
Something I found in my inbox from 18FEB09
I have ABSOLUTELY NO clue what this was about; however, I very clearly felt very strongly about something. Maybe it was the writing the feelings down that allowed me to let it go??
I’m amazed and shocked.
I feel sad and horrible and kicked around.
Has my heart not always been on my sleeve?
Has not my love for you always been evident?
Yet, now--because of this same beating organ
Pinned securely onto my outfit--
I am loved less—perhaps.
Though I don’t love you any less.
Why are your thoughts and feelings
any less valid than mine are?
Why are your views and opinions
Any less real than mine are?
You’ve know, I’ve said it before
And I’ll say it again.
I’m not a monster just because
I don’t tow the party line.
I’m not ready to go now, but
I can’t wait for Heaven
Cuz I won’t have to deal with
All the unfairness anymore.
A Writing assignement (i think) from a Voice and diction class from Summer 2008
31JAN09-Weekend:
I went to bed early last night. It was partially because this last week was such a long long week. The other reason was that I had a pretty decent headache. It was a sinus headache, so there was really nothing I could do about it. I decided to try some “yoga breathing” in order to calm myself enough to sleep despite the pain.
I decided to implement Linda's “see inside yourself” idea during this process. I imagined my breath coming into my body and flowing around to every part of me. I imagined that the breath ended up in my head pushing a screw (my conception of the pain) out of my forehead—a little bit further with every breath. Though the pain never went away completely until long after I awakened this morning, while I was doing my “yoga breathing,” the pain lessened.
27JAN09-Tuesday Class:
I love, love, loved the dancing to drum music! I've enjoyed many of the aspects of the class since its inception, however, this was definitely on the top of the list.
The second half of class, however, was not as enjoyable. I understood—completely--the need for the back/legs/massage exercise, but I felt so uncomfortable being paired with Scott. I should have said something, but I wasn't sure how to do so without hurting Scott's feelings. Talking with Jennifer afterward, I realized that she was also uncomfortable with being paired with Josh, but neither one of us said anything. Her reason was solely that she was paired with a male, but mine was specifically because I was paired with Scott.
There were several reasons—some of them probably stupid ones:
a. he was all sweaty and smelled as if he has just come from working out for an hour. I didn't like having to touch him whilst he was sweaty. I'm not much of a prissy, girly girl, but that bothered me.
b. he was touching me and I was bent over in front of him and vice versa. I'm not sure it would have bothered me as much if it had been another male from class or not.
c. I recognize in him something I dislike in myself and it is hard to be around him for that reason. I will say that I can handle being around him and be respectful about it. I will strive not to let him see my discomfort, but I am uncomfortable around him. The reason is ridiculous, too. Who am I to have this problem with him? I suffer from the same deal—just a slightly different version of it. ~sigh~ when am I going to grow up?
29JAN09-Thursday Class:
The “yoga breathing” was great again. It is always relaxing and I always DO seem to notice a different, more productive type of breathing when we do it.
I enjoyed listening to everyone's monologue, although Josh's monologue from the Breakfast Club was difficult to hear because of all the cussing, but the world is full of it—so I'll just need to get used to it.
I hadn't really read my monologue since I chose it, so as I read it again, I was surprised by it's meaning something personal to me in more than one way. And surprising to me that I could feel strongly on both sides of the “issue” it presented.
With Daddy and Mom, I am the girl saying those words. I want to be accepted as the artistic, free-spirited, outgoing, simple person I am AND someone of worth in their eyes, yeah? I want them to understand that I can be happy and useful in this world even though I don't live the more moneyed existence which they do. I don't mind not having extra. I like living a life wherein I make people happy and create.
But with my niece, Amelia, I wear the other shoe. I am the “Daddy” and she is the one begging for acceptance. Since the situation with Amelia just occurred last week, I hadn't realized that those words would affect me.
“if you love me, you have to love all of me.”
Since the situation with Amelia, I wonder if that statement is true. We can dislike the choices, attitudes, actions of someone, but still love them completely, can't we? There is no royal fiat commanding that, if we love someone, we love everything about them, is there? I don't even think that is possible. Even married people who love each other like crazy dislike SOME things about their spouse, yeah?
I know she is fifteen and at that age where she craves drama and angst and so the fact that “Aunt Loralee” doesn't approve of something feels like she is being kicked around, unloved and even HATED (whatever Amelia—like I could EVER hate you.)
But it is hard for me to understand why she would REALLY think that I would not want to be a part of her life because she has made this choice. It is hurtful to me that she (and her mother) would actually CONSIDER that I would not want her to be part of my life. Did I not stay a part of my own mother's life, even though I had solid proof that she had chosen a life path which wasn't good for her? What kind of monster do these members of my family think I am?
You know what? I just had an epiphany. I feel kicked around and unloved and HATED and misunderstood, too. By the people who should know me and love me more and better than anyone else on the whole wide planet.
22JAN09-Thursday Class:
I loved the “Yoga Breathing” in class today. I loved that the lights were off and we were lying down, and we were relaxing. I was so comfortable and wished we could have done it for a longer period of time. I could feel the breathe coming and going in my body. I could actually almost see it flowing around me—reaching all the way down to the last phalange in my pinkie finger and pinkie toe. I could feel it rush down my length from scapula to toe. It was very refreshing.Linda's instructions also brought back some unique memories for me. I remembered that one summer when Mother lived at 1201. She and Larry must have been at work. Lana might not have come this particular summer. Jonathan and I had thrown the pillows on the floor and were jumping up and down on the couch and jumping from couch to pillow to other piece of furniture. During one of these flights from piece to piece, I landed wrongly on my ankle and hurt it. I remember that we called Mother at work, but she couldn't leave. She called a friend who lived nearby to help. I remember the lady very clearly. Tall, husky blonde lady with short hair. She must have been a part of Mother's coven because she started talking about the injury the way Mother always did. “I'm placing my hands on your ankle. I want you to notice the temperature of my hands. I'm going to draw the heat and pain out of your ankle. I want to to feel it being drawn out. Close your eyes and FEEL it being drawn out.”
I remember that it helped only a little, but it helped. To be honest, I imagined that the “help” had come mostly because time had passed and the pain would have lessened anyway. But she wanted to help. She wanted to take the pain into herself. She wanted to make my world a better place, so when she asked me if she had helped, I told her “Yes.”
20JAN09-
I came to the first class thinking that I would only be here for a day. But after the class, I realized that it was somewhat fortuitous that I chose this particular class as a “placeholder” for a beginning acting class. I think I NEED this class.
I'm excited about it.
I found another interesting (that I had totally forgotten about) assignment from a writing class...
Loralee Ford
English 3311.01
09DEC08
Essay# 5-Final
The Foundation for a Smokefree America
Cigarettes have been around for centuries. Regarding them, Christopher Columbus wrote in his journal, “the natives brought fruit, wooden spears, and certain dried leaves which gave off a distinct fragrance.”( http://www.tobacco.org/History/Tobacco_History.html.) Smoking was popular for many years before researchers discovered that it causes many health problems not only those who directly ingest it, but also for those who accept it into their bodies in a secondary manner. In the last several decades, the malicious affects of nicotine consumption has become common knowledge. Those who work toward the complete destruction of smoking in America have become many in number. Some promote their message in person. Others do so in print or on the radio; and still others perform their service via the Internet. The Foundation for a Smokefree America (FFSA) is one such group and can be found online at anti-smoking.org.
FFSA declare a very negative message about cigarettes that is well-accepted by a very large percentage of people. Even the companies who produce the product admit, via the Surgeon General's warning stamped on the outside of their packages, that cigarettes are dangerous. FFSA's website is very useful in its presentation of the facts regarding this pervasive menace. It could be used, not only as a tool for someone who wants to help others, but also as a “school-master” to help bring someone out of the pit of nicotine addiction.
The website contains several sections which all contain useful information. The goals of this organization are listed on its mission link and are:
· “To establish in-house programs to fight tobacco use at the local, regional and national levels.
· To prevent youth smoking through our websites and school-based educational programs.
· To help empower those suffering from tobacco addiction to quit successfully, through our websites and other educational venues.
· To enact peer teaching programs, empowering youth to defend themselves against the onslaught of advertising and peer pressure.
· To implement programs to remind physicians to take a proactive role with their smoking patients, intervening and asking them to quit.”
The “About Us” section considered by some to be a “brag sheet.” However, if the goal of this page is to impress its readers, it has succeeded with flying colors. The “letters of support” are a veritable “Who's Who” of Florence Nightingale types. Chris Quint of the Colorado Tobacco Education and Prevention Alliance, Roy Mitchell of the Mississippi Health Advocacy Program, and Wendy Simpkins of the American Cancer Society, along with five other dedicated anti-smokers all write letters expressing their support of the good work done by FFSA. Even Everett Koop--United States Surgeon General from 1981 to 1989--wrote a note endorsing the contributions given by FFSA to achieve a tobacco free society.
There are three sections on this website which are especially effective. The quitting tips section is not only encouraging, but also realistic. You can do it stands alongside But it's gonna be hard. Keep your chin up, Little Chopper! Various styles of “Quit Smoking” programs are discussed and links to their websites and/or contact information are included on this page. Scholarly, psychological, and medical information is given here, also.
The last two sections are very long, but are very useful. ‘Message to Youth’ and ‘Message to Adults’ overlap in much of their information; however, this fact does not negate the truth of it. These pages mimic the anti-smoking program used in middle schools and high schools all over the United States and ones designed for grown-ups, as well. The program covers the addicting qualities of cigarettes and illustrates easy ways for teens to see past the manipulative aspects of advertisements. It also touches on some of the psychological reasons behind why a person would choose to begin smoking. There are also tips about how to talk to a loved one about quitting and true stories about the deadly consequences of the choices we make. It is an extremely convincing website.
There is one aspect of this website, however, that gives it a large amount of credence. The person who is the speaker at all the abovementioned anti-smoking programs is Patrick Reynolds, the grandson of R.J. Reynolds, the founder of the R.J. Reynolds Tobacco Company. This company made his family millionaires. His conversion over to the other side of the issue provides sturdy glue to all the other pieces of anti-smoking information provided in this website. Most people wouldn't go against their families in such an obvious and public way.
All in all, this site was very useful. It provided statistics, helpful tips, examples of consequences, and many other things which would easily convince an open and logical mind. I give it 10 out of 10 red Starbursts.
Maybe I should go through old emails more often???
I found this movie review for a movie/literature course I took in 2008. It was interesting to read and definitely made me remember why I love this movie so much!
A look at the 1996 movie Emma
The comic romance upon which this film is based was written by Jane Austen and published in 1814. Though it is not the most popular of Austen's novels, it has been referenced or adapted numerous times in both movies or television series. This film which is being reviewed was released in 1996. It was also produced for British television as mini-series in both 1972 and 1996. Additionally, in 1995, a modern adapation called Clueless was made starring Alicia Silverstone in the lead "Emma" role of Cher. It was announced in April of 2008 that an urban hip-hop musical version is in the works. It has even made its way into pop-culture t.v. When Gwyneth Paltrow hosted Saturday Night Live, they did a skit which referenced the archery scene in this movie. It is clear that the appeal of this movie is timeless. In the case of this particular movie, the use of music, light and shadow, great acting and cinematography make it a classic which will be enjoyed by everyone who enjoys well-made films.
During this 2 hour and 52 second film, Emma Woodhouse and the people of her rural town near London experience a life where none of them work. Instead they participate in social activities like picnics, dinner parties and dances. They experience the excitement of intrigue, the heartbreak of deceit, and the fulfillment of romance. Gwyneth Paltrow plays the well-meaning, good-hearted and mischievous Emma who wants only to find a suitable and financially secure husband for her poorer friend, Harriet. Jeremy Northam plays the wise and kind, quietly humorous though somewhat stern, next door neighbor and close family friend, Mr. Knightly. Harriet is played by Australian actress Toni Collette and Alan Cummings plays well the detestable Mr. Elton. Mrs. And Miss Bates, mother and daughter, are played by real-life mother and daughter Phyllida Law and Sophie Thompson. This film was screenwritten and directed by Douglas McGrath. The cinematography was brilliantly done by Ian Wilson. This film is interesting from start to finish.
One of the most unique and fascinating facets of this film is the cinematography. Ian Wilson uses light and shadow, and shared scenery to make it so fun to watch! When we, the viewers, need to notice the emotional state of the characters, Mr. Wilson placed the actors in a location where shadow covers half of their faces. The expression of their emotional state is, somehow, underlined and emphasized by his use of light. Whether the emotion be jealousy or love or grief, the viewers are made aware that something important is being felt. With one of the most unique uses of his camera, Mr. Wilson uses common inanimate background objects to change scenes. Often the camera strays away from an outdoor scene up to a tree and suddenly away again from the tree to a new scene with different actors.
I highly recommend this movie. Because it is a romance, it will definitely appeal almost completely to both adult and teenaged girls. Film minded males or at least open-minded ones who are dragged to see this film by their women will probably appreciate its merits, though it will not be one most males will voluntarily line up to see. This is no Tom Cruise film. However, it seems very true to the time period. Women are seen participating in or learning what was considered, in that day, to be the womanly arts -- drawing, needle-pointing, tending to the sick and poor, gossipping and being great hostesses of social events. I liked this movie because it painted a picture of real people doing real things: being friends, making mistakes, dealing with the consequences, falling in love, helping others, and forgiving--or not--in a way which is realistic, charming, entertaining and believable. I could see myself being a part of this group of friends. One of the things I like best is the slow and subtle growth of the romance between Emma and the man she marries in the end. It is an illustration of a relationship which will last. They are friends for years. They know each other as people and not just as a romantic interest. They know the good and bad about each other, and yet they still love and respect each other and have a friendship based on a mutual 'like' of each other. When, at the end of the film, they discover that they have more than friendly feelings for each other, we can leave the theatre feeling certain that these two will love each other 'til they die.
I found this unfinished story....
...near the VERY end of the emails in my inbox--from way back in 2008.
I CANNOT remember how Katie was going to respond. Anyone else have any ideas?
Here it is:
She sat huddled and trembling under her Kim Possible comforter. She'd been fast asleep when a noise had awakened her. She was petrified because she was sure it was one of those pink-haired monsters. Her brother, Donald, had told her all about them two nights ago. "Yep" he said authoritatively, "There definitely ARE pink-haired monsters. And they ALWAYS live under the beds of blonde-haired girls. It cuz they like eating blonde-haired girls better than any other type of girl."
Katie shivered at the memory. She was sure her brother was telling the truth, even though Momma had come into the room later and assured her that Donald was teasing her.
I mean, after all, she'd heard a noise just a minute ago. She was sure she'd heard a soft voice singing the bedtime song her Momma sang to her each night. "It's sundown time and the sun has gone away…." The voice sounded a little different than her Momma, though. There was a slight accent and it was higher pitched.
She ventured a hesitant "H-hello? Who is there? Monsters aren't allowed in here." She made her voice sound as firm as she could "You must leave at once!" She was surprised to hear a soft sob coming from under her bed. "Please, don't make me leave!" said the voice with the accent. "Everyone makes fun of me at home in Monster Land. They say my hair is funny. I just HAD to run away. When I heard your Momma singing last night, I just KNEW this would be a great place to hide. So, I snuck in earlier when you were taking your bath! Please don't make me leave! I don't know where I will go if you do!!"
Katie was surprised. She didn't think monsters, even the pink-haired ones, cried. Donald had always told her that monsters only roared at people and ate them. What should she do now? Should she call her Momma? Should she just try to ignore the monster and go back to sleep? Suddenly, something occurred to her and she scooted over to the edge of the bed and leaned over it. "Hey, do you need a hug, Pink-Haired Monster? My Momma always gives me one when I am sad. They really help."
The pink-haired monster shot out from under the bed with a look of surprise on her face. "D'ya mean it? You'd give me a hug?"
"Well, of course I would" said Katie brightly, "Everyone needs a hug now and then. I'll even sing you the bed time song if you want"
The pink-haired monster beamed with joy. "Oh, that'd make me very happy. It'd almost be like I have a friend."
Katie looked puzzled for a moment and then smiled at the pink-haired monster. "I AM your friend! No need to worry about THAT anymore! Hey…since we're friends, dontcha think we should introduce ourselves? My name is Cathryn Abigail Thomas. But everyone calls me Katie. Hey, did you know my initials spell cat? Cool, huh? What is YOUR name?" she asked curiously.
The pink-haired monster hung her head in shame. "I'm not sure I wanna tell you what it is." She said sadly. "That is the reason everyone made fun of me back home in Monster-Land."
"Oh, pink-haired monster. You can tell me! I'll like your name whatever it is cuz I like you!! Please tell me!!" She put her hands together in a prayer-like position and looked at the pink-haired monster beseechingly.
"Oh, all right. I'll tell you if you promise not to laugh." She looked up at Katie warily. Katie nodded her head vehemently and with a solemn voice declared "I give you my word as a Girl Scout that I will not laugh!!"
"My name is Slyvia. All the other monsters think it should be spelled "sYlviA" and they laugh and laugh at me!! But my mommy named me after her aunt Slyvia."
"What a unique and fantastic name!! You should be proud of your name!"
"Really" asked Slyvia with a smile on her face "Why is that?"
"Well,
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