Like Alice, 19NOV07

I wrote this poem 14 years ago during an especially dark time. I don't even remember why I felt this way, and--I do NOT feel like this now, but it came straight out of my grieving heart at the time. I want to share it (for those who've never seen it) so that it might help those who don't have to deal with depression to understand how challenging the struggle really is.

It’s hard to keep my chin up.

There is no ‘Little Chopper’ living here.

Each step is as through sea water,

And I do not feel Him near.

I feel like this might be my fault.

I’ve allowed it to come to this place,

But I don’t want to keep struggling onward

With this fake smile painted on to my face.

This is not one of those cases, y’all

Where I don’t believe that He is Him.

I know that He is this Great Body of Water

That I just ain’t swimmin’ in.

I’ve allowed myself to wander, broadly.

I’m down here in this grave of a pit.

It’s cold. It’s dark. I want outta here,

But I just can’t seem to climb out of it.

Why is this bed so much more comfortable?

Why does my head hurt this way?

Why does Pinocchio's nose grow?

Because his heart and his mouth don’t agree.

Can’t you feel that I feel lost?

Can’t you see the tears in my eyes?

Can’t I be brave enough to tell you?

Can’t your heart see through all my lies?

I need help. I need a way out of this pit.

The bottom seems miles from the top.

Like Alice, I’m falling, falling, falling

And I can’t figure out how to stop.