From the Cobwebs: Letters of Sanity

 Sanity Letters: Dear Grand-Dork

Dear Clueless,

So, you want to threaten to kick me out of your kin's home just because

I asked nicely not to call me "L.L." (because it has always been something

with which I've been uncomfortable---And when I asked…you cussed in

response!!) and because I asked you to give me two days after payday

before you start asking me for the rent? (you know….so I actually have a

chance to go get the money from the bank??) Well, I happen to think

these two things are pretty easily done, but hey….if you can't handle some

common niceness and want to be offended and threaten to kick me

out; you are welcome to do it.

But, before you do the threatenin'…let's take stock, Grand-dork:

Please be aware that my figures might not be exactly perfect, but

I'm trying to make a point.

1-I cook breakfast for your kin and clean the kitchen every morning,

seven days a week. I scrambled egg whites with fresh cut mushrooms

and onions. Sometimes, it's in taco form. I make muffins or fry bacon

on occasion. If she wants cereal or oatmeal, she gets it. Even when I

have to be at work at 5 a.m., I make her breakfast before I leave. I sit

down to eat with her (unless I'm at work) because she is lonely and

misses her husband and likes to have someone around who will say

the prayer before the meal (because her husband always did it) and

with whom she can talk and eat and share the paper. Please be

aware, Grand-Dork, I don't always want to get up that early on my

day off to eat breakfast so early, but guess what? I do it because that

is what is best for HER! Are you willing to be here every morning at

7:15(or earlier) for that event? That's about 7 hours a week. Just to

be generous, I'll say 6 hours a week, 24 hrs a mo.

2-I do or have done 1 to 6 loads of laundry for your kin each week,

depending on where she was in her healing process. I also did the

same amount of sheet changing, (heavy) body lifting out of the

bed to the chair (and then back) whilst I changed the bed sheets,

clothes or undergarments. I cleaned up the messes your kin

made if the bathroom couldn't be made in time. I brushed hair

and plenty of other items like take out the trash, go get the mail,

fetch water, milk, or powerade or a snack upon request etc. etc. etc.

Granted, it doesn't happen near as much now, but it happened

for quite a while there. Let's say 8 hours a week just to be nice.

So, 32 hrs. a mo. That figure is an average of the last three mos.

3-I cook a lunch for your kin and do the subsequent dishes two

to five days a week…usually with fixings I buy. Please note that

I make her fresh homemade meals with vegetables (because she

LIKES fresh vegetables and is constantly --constantly saying she

is craving a homecooked meal with vegetables--are you listening?)

Meals like grilled chicken with asparagus and mashed potatoes

or stuffed acorn squash with fresh mushroom and garlic or

homemade pinto beans and cornbread. I DO NOT continually

buy her Pizza Hut, Dan's Hamburgers, Taco Cabana and Whataburger

when it is MY turn to take care of lunch. So, let's say 3 hours a week.

12 hrs. a mo.

4-Each payday, I buy a bit of food so that I can make the aforementioned

meals. On two different trips to the grocery store this past Thursday

and Friday, I spent $36 and some change on items both grocery

and non-grocery which will benefit all members of this household,

including you, Grand-Dork. I buy food every pay period. Let's

just generalize and say I spend about $50 a mo. on items for

everyone. I spend at least 2 hours a month shopping and I

drive my own car to do so. I'm not going to count the

gasoline because that would be too hard to calculate.

So, 2 hrs a mo. On shopping.

Now, before we continue, I'd like to state that I don't mind

doing all these things, and I don't mind not being reimbursed.

Not at all. Not like SOME people who get paid $400 a month

to take care of their own kin…and get the gas tank of their

huge gas guzzling car filled by said kin because you "run around

taking care of all of kin's errands." I do it because I love her, she

needs it done, and it is the right thing to do.

I'm just trying to get across this idea, Grand-Dork: If you had

to pay a stranger for all of the things I do FOR FREE and FROM

MY HEART, you'd be paying for 70 hours worth of work to a

HOME HEALTH AIDE and you'd probably be re-imbursing the

grocery costs. So…..it's figure time.

So if you had to add up the services I've render and the groceries

I buy, we're talking $750 a month. (And please note that this

figure does not include the rent I pay.) That is, Grand-Dork,

$750.00 worth of stuff YOU don't have to do (or pay for)

because I do it….for free!!!! You once told me after I returned

from an 8 day vacation to church camp and a family reunion

that you missed me….that you'd had the hardest time because

you had to do everyone's work. You told me to NEVER leave

again. You said you'd PAY me to stay next time I wanted to go.

So, I guess since she doesn't need us as much now…. I'm

suddenly dispensable and you can treat me disrespectfully??

'Fraid that ain't gonna happen, Captain Selfish. After your

loud hollerin' claims of ownership of her home today and your

semi-veiled threats to kick me out, she told me that she'd

straightened you out. She reassured me quite nicely that it is

HER choice whether or not I go…not yours. It's a good thing

SHE knows what's best for her. I'm really glad she doesn't have

to depend solely on you. I don't know what her world would come to if that

happened.

Sincerely,

Me

P.S. I realize that you are a pushy bully and you think you can

do whatever you want to do. And with me, I understand why

you probably think so. I'm a pleaser and I usually give in to what

other people want. However, I warn you: Don't think I won't

eventually stand up and defend myself. If I'm pushed unreasonably

for long enough, I"ll bite back in the nicest way possible. You can

rest assured on that one, Buster

P.P.S. I think, perhaps, you are unaware of something kind of important

, Grand-Dork, the way you responded to me shows your character.

If you get angry and start cussing and threatening people when

they (in a steady easy tone of voice) to only use one letter instead

of two when you write them notes because the certain two you use

bothers them and always has) AND/OR you get angry when they ask

you to give them a chance to do something they've already planned

to do anyway (because when you jump on them giving them no

chance to do it, it makes them feel like you think they are liars who

don't intend to keep their word and you have to remind them that

you're on to them). When these things make you angry enough

to start yelling especially when the requests WERE NOT made in

anything close to a yelling format, you show your character.

If I were not to mention things and just let them fester, that would

be bad. I"m willing to communicate with you about somethat that

bothers me. YOu just yell and threaten and start putting your 300

pound bulk right up in my face trying to intimidate me. It ain't

gonna work, Buster. So take your "non-chubby" self and get away,

please. How hard is it really to do the small things I asked if it would

make me happy? You say you'll continue to lie to your kin if it means

that it keeps her happy. Seems to me that what I"ve asked is a lot

EASIER than lying, but maybe that isn't the case for you, Sir.