I’ve been struggling with something today. I’m not going to go into a huge amount of details about it, but I will say that it revolves around ‘forgiveness.’ In the last week or so, someone in my life has treated me in a way which I thought was disrespectful and unnecessary, and—well, hurtful, really.
And—though it is over, I find myself still thinking on it. I’m still worrying about it. I’m still allowing myself to feel the hurt from it. In the intellectual half of my brain (and I’m being generous with the word 'half', I know!), I understand that I just need to let it go. In the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter that Mr. X was so pushy in trying to get his feelings across to me that he was not anywhere near to respectful to me. He was very hurtful, in my opinion. He made demands of me as I were a child and took a hollerin’ tone instead of sitting down and discussing it with me softly, but firmly. I’m pretty certain Mr. X would be able to express every inch of his displeasure with me in a more respectful and helpful manner.
I will tell you that I felt attacked! I felt that the “punishment” didn’t fit the crime, by any measure. I need to let it go, but it is hard for me to allow a person to get off—scott free!—from doing something wrong. And I’m not only talking about being upset when something was done wrong to me, but also when people do wrong to others and I witness it. I want everyone to acknowledge their part and repent and apologize. Of course, that is a pipe dream, prolly. I want to live in an ideal world but I don’t think it exists. But I digress.
During worship this morning, I was listening to the songs we were singing and I thought “Well, Jesus put up with a lot of people being hurtful or hateful or thoughtless to Him.” And he still went to the cross on the behalf of those people—and all the rest of us, too. I remember thinking “My interactions with Mr. X are nothing like what Christ has to experience when He was living on earth. I need to find a way to let this go, to forgive—even if Mr. X never apologizes. That is a hugely hard thing to do, isn’t it? I don’t know how Christ did it. But He did. And, I should at least try to follow His lead on this one, yeah? I’ve been praying for the ability to let Mr. X’s behavior go and throw away the hurt I have been feeling. Hopeful the results will come soon.
P.S. If you read this and want to make no comment, that is perfectly fine. If you read this and have some constructive ideas as to how I can learn to throw away my hurt sooner rather than later, I welcome it. If you wanna add my rebellious soul onto your prayer list, I welcome it, also.
P.P.S. In case you were getting worried, this post is NOT about Pop.
P.P.P.S. Thanks for listening.