Out of the Cobwebs: Out of the Mouths of Geriatrics: Nicknames

October 23, 2009

Out of the mouths of Geriatrics: Nicknames

Marguerite is so funny sometimes. She says the most off the wall things and

makes me laugh and laugh. She is one half of the couple for which I care.

This morning she was telling me about how she gave her two granddaughters

nicknames. So, I told her about how my grandmommy used to call me

Angelpockets. Marguerite piped up with "Why, cuz of your butt?"

Later she told me she was just kidding, but I think I laughed for five minutes.

From the Cobwebs: Reconnecting Twenty: It's All About Mr. Goldhorn

 17 Oct 07 Wednesday

Current mood: pleonastically palaverous



It's all about Mr. Goldhorn

Author's Note: 99% of this blog is dedicated to Jeff Goldhorn. To whom the other 1% is dedicated will be revealed a bit later.

Whilst commencing this blog, I would be both remiss and a prevaricator if I attempted to persuade you, my dear readers, that last weekend's conversations with the former Miss Garza's Jeff were negative ones. Why, such an assertion would be fallacious and could not be proven using any scientific, reasonable, or logical means!

Jeff's enjoyment of my intelligent, and perhaps pretentious, word-stock does, in no wise, exceed the benefits I received from his etymological adoration. Indeed, my felicity at his regard was exponentially higher than the gratification he received upon hearing my verbal and flowery offal.

At his behest, I have constructed this Seinfeld-esque treatise whose termination is imminent. If, as a result of this loquacious essay, a smile were to reside on the visage of the young Mr. Goldhorn, then I, this blissful ink-slinger, will indeed be living in a canaanitic utopia!!

Therefore...to you, oh bespectacled and flaxen-haired youth, I dedicate this ebullient and enthusiastic eloquence. Let the merriment abound!!

p.s. the other 1% is dedicated to Craig Corporon who kept me in stitches in science and art classes with his own special brand of verbosity!

p.p.s. I know those of you who have actually bravely stayed through 'til the end of this blog prolly think I'm one crazy gal, but I wrote with purpose. Jeff demanded a starring role in one of my blogs, preferably one with many big words. Therefore, I introduce you (points to picture at top of blog--he is the tall one with blonde hair and glasses)(It has since disappeared, BTW--2021) to Jeff, the star of a verbose blog about nothing but words. Enjoy, Jeff!! (tell Veronica I said hi)

p.p.p.s. I hope Brian is reading this and notices that I'm listening to Huey Lewis and the News right this very minute!! They still rock!


Currently listening :
Greatest Hits
By Huey Lewis & The News
Release date: 23 May, 2006

From the Cobwebs: Reconnecting Twenty: Brian Brady

I wrote this immediately after our 20 year Reunion...so, sometime in the Autumn of 2007.

Current mood: happy

My memories of Brian Brady are few. I remember his curly hair. I remember that we rode Mrs. Bailey's bus together to Dobie Middle School and that we had lockers very near each other in sixth grade. I, also, remember that he was a pretty nice guy, even though he once admonished me for my use of the word "Shazbot" (Mork and Mindy anyone?) in exchange for the "S" word.

"You know," he said to me straight-faced and seriously that long ago day, "You might as well just go ahead and use the real word." I don't recall my response, but I know I walked away from that interaction chastised and obedient. I never used the word "Shazbot" again.

Those three years flew past us, as did the following four, and the following four and the following sixteen; and here we are, meeting again for our twenty-year reunion. Most faces looked familiar to me, but I must confess that when I saw Brian last night at Rodney's "Old School" after-the-game shindig, I didn't recognize him at first. The passage of twenty years had changed him. Gone was his curly hair. He was taller. He was wearing glasses and the laugh lines that decorated his ever-youthful face seemed to declare that the years that had passed were happy ones. But though there were changes, when I really looked into his face, I recognized the Brian I knew in middle school.

He seemed to recognize me at once. "Hi Lori" he said as he hugged me with the one arm that wasn't holding a drink. What ensued was the normal "So, whatcha been doing the past twenty years?" conversation. While it was nice to hear about his adventures, that conversation was not the one that has stuck with me. It was the next one.

We were standing in Rodney's garage and Brian turned to me. "You know, I have to tell you two things I've noticed about you" he said, matter-of-factly. "Are they bad things?" I asked him apprehensively. "Well" he answered seriously, "one of them is." My heart thumped a bit more quickly, and, accepting the inevitable, I asked Brian to give me the bad news first.

Whilst pointing to my TOTALLY ROCKIN' COOL Huey Lewis and the News t-shirt and shaking his head grimly, Brian informed me that my beloved shirt had to go into the rubbish bin, but quick!! A smile graced my face as I realized his joke, and I awaited eagerly the good news. Brian, once again somber and serious, said to me "The fact that you came here to our reunion without wearing any make-up is the ultimate in cool. You are just being yourself." He laughed as he said, "It says a lot about you that you are willing to wear the t-shirt of that LAME band, even here at an activity where most people want to impress and things can sometimes get a bit pretentious." He stopped and looked at me slyly out of the corner of his eyes. "I mean, look at me! I rented a car to drive to the reunion!"

Our conversation continued. We talked about this and that and while I don't remember what was said, I do remember how I felt. I felt special. I felt beautiful. I felt vindicated, especially in light of some of my recent wranglings with self doubt. My regular readers will remember the extra long blog that accompanied the approach of my recent birthday. I have reconciled, inside myself, those feelings, but it is nice to have some reinforcement from an outside source. I can be attractive and worthwhile just by being me. It's good to know that about yourself, yeah? I hope I always remember that fact. But what I really hope is that, from today forward, Brian will know and remember —that to this 38-year-old, who still has a teenaged and a bit unsure Lori Ford hidden somewhere deep inside of her—he will always be a little bit of a hero.


Currently listening :
The Living Years
By Mike + the Mechanics
Release date: 25 October, 1990

Yellow Butterflies

 I saw two yellow butterflies yesterday. I was so happy and said to them, "Come see me, Yellow Butterflies," but they flew away. And suddenly, I was so struck with grief over Daddy that I sobbed for a minute. Maybe it is this Covid that is messing with me and making me extra emotional. I just think it is so weird, and unsettling, and kind of amazing how I can--out of nowhere--have such huge, all-encompassing, overwhelming feelings about missing Daddy a whole seven years after he's gone. I miss his voice and his big hugs and his wise words of wisdom and everything. I love you, PDF!

From the Cobwebs: Reconnecting Twenty: Notebook Lost...Notebook Regain'd

As y'all know, these "From the Cobwebs" posts are old posts I found hidden away in different locations that I'm just reposting here cos the other locations are not easily accessible anymore.

23 Oct 07 Tuesday 

Current mood: mischievous 

     While on a trip out of town a few weeks ago, I misplaced my writing notebook. When I realized it was missing, I freaked!! I re-traced my steps several times and then freaked again when I still couldn't find it. I had just written a blog that was really important to me...and now it was lost. Not only was that blog gone, but all my ideas for future blogs and old ones that I haven't posted yet. Perhaps so that you get my mindset at that moment, I'll repeat: I freaked. 

     The following poem was written (mostly) at that time when my mind was freakin' out. I realize it's a kinda lame poem, but the thing about poetry that is really really great is that it paints a true picture of your feelings when you write it. The mostly finished poem has sat in my (back-up) writing notebook (yes, that means I brought an extra one with me when I went out of town...just in case.) for two weeks and today, something made me think of it again when I was reminded of Milton's poems. The last line or so were written today after that remembrance. 

     I knew that this poem was not really a fantastic one which would make the world a better place, but I figured I should at least try to make someone laugh...even if it was only me. ;) It's not epic poem, but i hope you enjoy it, anyway. If you want to know what happened with my lost notebook, keep reading. All will soon be revealed!! 

 NOTEBOOK LOST...NOTEBOOK REGAIN'D 

My heart is missing.

I cannot speak.

I feel so empty.

I feel so weak.

My words are missing.

No way to convey.

The things I feel

That I must say.

Things to cheer 

a saddened heart.

My mouth sewn shut.

No way to impart

The things I've learned

along the way.

Like when to go

And when to stay.

Where is my mouth?

Where can it be?

Without my heart

I can't be me.

Where is...

Oh, Wait! There it is!!

Over there!! Underneath

My camoflauge jacket!!

p.s. i really did find it under my camouflage jacket (at the local family dollar store where we'd stopped before heading back home to my bff, Carrie's house). The fact that we often joke about not being able to see things which are camouflaged didn't occur to me until after i wrote the silly ending. muuuaaahhhhhh!! 

 love y'all, Loralee ;) 

 Currently listening : Midnight Train to Georgia By Gladys Knight & the Pips 

 Release date: 18 November, 1997

From the Cobwebs: Surreal Seventeen

Surreal Seventeen Another transplant: :) Current mood: giddy and giggly It was a Saturday evening. It was probably about 7:40. The sun was setting. Actually, it was already down, but it was in that in between stage where everything is still completely visible and the shadows haven't really started descending yet. I was in the passenger seat of a blue Mustang heading to a play at Zilker Park. The radio was playing a little tune that was filled with the hope of things to come that usually only a teenaged heart can feel. Beside me, driving this stick-shifted muscle car was a completely gorgeous, football captain-esque, conventionally good-looking 22-year-old guy. This whole moment played out like the dream date of a 17-year-old girl. The funny thing is that I'm sooooo NOT 17 anymore. Under my belt sits an additional 20 years. When the realization hit me, I giggled. I was glad that he either didn't notice my giggling, or that he politely refrained from inquiring as to why I was giggling cuz that would have been hard to explain. But, since I never really had that kind of hopeful, youthful, "Wow, I TOTALLY can't believe I'm sitting next to this, like, TOTAL FOX!!!" experiences when I was 17 years old, I decided to sit back, and enjoy the setting sun, the 80s-esque music on the radio, and the gorgeous 22-year old beside me. I just kept giggling (in my heart) in the same way that any reasonable, self-respecting 17-year-old girl would.

From the Cobwebs: How I feel about This Bothersome Predicament, PART 2

Another transplant written near the end of a long lasting crush...haha 02 Aug 06 Wednesday Current mood: feeling a little stronger Back & forth and back & forth and back & forth I go. When will my heart fall off this ride? I only WISH that I could know. Our friendship is so comfortable, we talk and laugh with ease. and feeling safe to be quiet with him is, surprisingly, a breeze. Sometimes cool and distant, he's barely aware that I am here. yet the next moment, I catch him in that high school kind of stare. What is he doing? What does this mean? I dislike this state of in-between. My heart is on this rollar coaster; up and down I'm flying. I'm so confused. My keel is uneven. Sometime I feel like crying. So, what to do? My heart is in riot Do I tell him how I feel... Or do I just keep quiet?

From the Cobwebs: Ides of March

16 Mar 06 Thursday The Ides of March Current mood: contemplative Yesterday was the Ides of March...the well known anniversary of the death of Julius Caeser. The story goes that a soothsayer gave him a warning about that middle day of the month of March in 44BC. Some say that he tried to stay inside that day, but that he was eventually convinced by Brutus to come along to the Senate meeting anyway. His enemies killed him at that meeting, thereby etching him and that date into the collective consciousness of educated people for centuries. That day has another meaning for me. In 1986, the Ides of March was on a Saturday. I remember that fact because it was the day that I took the SAT test my junior year. Mom was driving me to Smithson Valley High School for the test. I remember it being a cloudy day (which are my favorites) and we were driving along Loop 1604 in mom's car/truck thing. (You know those ones that were popular in the mid 80's. A car in the front and a truck in the back...kinda like a mullet...business in the front, party in the back!! ) I remember having a conversation with mom while we were on our way to the test. Suddenly, I remembered what day it was and the historical significance of it. I mentioned it to her and I also remarked that perhaps, since I remembered this tiny fact in the car, that, perhaps, I might not do too badly on this important test. I remember her gruff yet somehow encouraging reply that I would do fine and that I should quit worrying myself. I remember nothing else about that day except for that one minute snippet. I don't remember the test, the ride home, or absolutely anything else...except that interaction with my mom. I think I remember it because (back then) the moments when I felt encouraged and appreciated by her were so few and far between. Of course, things have changed now. As she and I have both matured, I have grown to really like and respect her. And she has gotten softer and grown more openly loving. The funny thing is this: I know in hindsight that Mom certainly did the very best she could and chose to do what she thought was best for me and my three siblings. So, this leads me to wonder why in the world I ( a person who had two parents who loved her) has so few happy memories from childhood? Also, knowing that she did try her best and yet the result was still what it was...how can I change the future? If ever I am blessed with a Christian husband and a few little ones, will my babies not have many good memories also? even though I KNOW that I will strive diligently to make them feel loved? Will I simply follow the familiar path and example of my parents? Is there something I can do differently? Cuz, you know, sometimes doing just one thing differently can change the world. After all, think what would have happened if Julius Caeser had stayed home.

From the Cobwebs: Those Ignorant Bible Bangers

I found this article (errr...rant/whine session) recently and thought it was still apropos. You can tell how old it is by the 'Myspace' reference! LOL 12 Feb 06 Sunday Current mood: just wanting people to think, Man All right, so I'm surfing through the site (myspace) last week, and I run into a young lady who wanted a forum on a controversial topic. Some people with biblical views joined into the discussion, and when 3 of them had opined--then came the hate. One guy responded (I'm paraphrasing) with, "Will the stupid, ignorant bible-bangers please shut-up? Learn to think for yourselves." So, were all just ignorant fools, huh? Why? Just because we dont believe the same things you do? Who is intolerant now? 1) You say, "Bible bangers put the Bible above science!" 2) You say, "Creation can't be proven by scientific tests!" 3) You say, "Why do you believe things written by men? How can you believe something that ignorant men wrote?" 1) I say, " True science agrees with true Christianity." People have said that carbon dating proves that the world has been around for millions of years. Well, guess what? These half-life tests don't necessarily prove anything. The same bunch of trees that are considered "millions" of years old by the carbon dating process the day after Mount St. Helen's erupted in 1980 were alive, and processing carbon dioxide in order to give us oxygen SECONDS before the lava covered them. So, really, if you think about it logically, there is NO WAY to prove that the carbon dating process is correct is there? I'm not trying to get all persnickety and say nothing scientific is true. I don't believe that, but I just don't get people who don't have all the info, and yet they call other people ignorant. PLUS, science is EVER-Changing! Additionally, the Bible discussed a few scientific proofs that weren't even discovered by modern man for more than 1,000 years. For example, Matthew Fontaine Maury was reading in Psalm 8. The writer wrote about the "paths of the sea." It was from this passage that Mr. Maury decided to start trying to find these "paths of the sea" and finally did find the connection between water and wind and those aforementioned "paths." The writer of the book of Job discussed the "springs of the sea" which, by the way, weren't mentioned by scientists until the 1st century. Job was written long before that time. The book of Leviticus discussed the truth that "the life is in the blood" and it wasn't until centuries later that it was discovered that the blood system carried oxygen around the body, thereby giving that same body life. There are plenty more examples, but what I'm trying to suggest to that gentleman who calls all Christians stupid, ignorant people is that--perhaps--he should check his facts. There is EVIDENCE in this world that shows that Christians may just possibly have reasons and proof for what they believe. 2) I say, "so what if Creation can't be proven by scientific tests" Do you truly believe that the Big Bang OR evolution can be proven by scientific tests? They can NOT be proven. That is probably why it is called the THEORY of evolution, not the FACT of evolution. I think it much easier and reasonable to believe that a Creator designed all the intricacies of our world and our bodies (Occam's Razor, anyone?) than that a big explosion occurred and the world began and--by CHANCE--an ameoba grew to a salamander to a bird to a dog to a monkey to a human being. The latter idea is much less conceivable than the former. You would NEVER believe that an explosion occurred in a truck factory and when the dust cleared--VOILA!!--there sat a forest green F-150 with all the trimmings, would ya? You KNOW that there is a designer and creator of that truck. You KNOW it. You, also, would not believe that an explosion occurred in a Swiss watch-making factory and when the dust settled--VOILA!!!--an expensive and intricate Victorinox sat there gleaming in the sunlight, would ya? But you can believe that the much more intricately designed earth and all the inhabitants on it could happen just by chance? You KNOW it is not possible!!!! In fact, you would say that the Ford or Victorinox scenario was ridiculous and you'd scoff at the mere idea of it. and, still, you stubbornly cling to the idea of the Big Bang theory and evolution. Yet, you are calling Christians ignorant people who believe the unbelievable. 3) I say, "So, what if several different writers wrote the canon of the Bible?" That lends all the more credence to its being written by the inspiration of God!! All the basic themes both in the Old and the New Testament agree. Some may say, "but there are some inconsistencies." I encourage them to look at the situation. The context of the Scriptures will show the agreement of all the texts of the Bible. When you talk to someone from a different part of the country with a different accent, different vocabulary, different background, different experiences etc., will you not possibly be saying the same thing in different ways? YES!!! It happens all the time. And when you make a more concerted effort to communicate with this person from across the country, will you not then understand that y'all are saying the same things? Yet, when it comes to things of a religious nature, you--once again--stubbornly cling to the idea that anything related to God should not, could not, and will not follow those same rules! Pretty interesting! Additionally, each different biblical writer not only comes from different experiences, but also they were writing to different groups of people; therefore, it is highly conceivable that they might choose to communicate in different ways, use different language, focus on other aspects of the same situation. Intense study would show the complete agreement of each biblical writer. The "so-called" inconsistencies that you claim occur sure do make a lot more sense when you look at them with a well-studied, logical, open-minded eye. And a final note, stupidity is not a common trait inherent in all Christians even though Hollywood and the liberal media would like to paint us with that brush. I--personally--came to Christianity(at 22) after seeing undeniable proof in black and white, as did many of the intelligent, worthwhile, moral, respectable people I know. In fact, doctors, lawyers, scientists (yes, I said scientists) are some of those ignorant fools you derisively call Christians. You don't need to call me ignorant, though. That's Miss Bible Banger to you.