From the Cobwebs: I dreamed about them last night

 I dreamed about them last night. They were living in a huge home at the ocean instead of the one on Edgecliff. There were very few outside walls on the second floor of their homke. It was mostly glass and the ocean sun shined into the house so brightly, basically bathing the whole place with the brightest summer light. They had a huge pool on the backside of the house (which is kinda funny seein' as they lived 50 feet from the water. I was visiting them, but I don't know the occasion. It didn't seem like a holiday. I don't remember the smell of turkey or sight of garland or wreaths.

At some point, I walked downstairs and saw Mom trying to lift up a basket of laundry, but it was hurting her to lift it. Suddenly, she was old and seemed sick and frail and I was scared...scared of losing her. I was overcome with distraught feelings. I sobbed out the words, "Mom, I LOVE YOU." I felt the words, too. Strongly, behind my eyes even. You know how I do...when I feel things, especially pain, I feel it behind my eyes. I was already missing her, though she was yet alive. The feeling of grief I felt over losing her someday (though it felt like it would be any moment) was so STRONG. She pushed me away, but it was with pain, too. Perhaps she understood the grief I was feeling and didn't want to accept her supposed frailty or perhaps she didn't want for me to feel the pain of grief. I don't really know, but I didn't feel rejected. I felt connected.

Later, Mom and Daddy and I were sitting in the family room upstairs. There were other family members there, but there faces were blurry. I didn't know which ones they were. We were talking about different things and once we touched upon the stage acting I've done. I noticed the smiles on my parents faces as I described how good it felt to put in three months of hard work and then know that for the three hours you'd be performing in front of an audience, you had made them happy. Mom and Daddy were nodding their heads in understanding; smiling and being really encouraging and supportive and happy for and proud of ME.

Later in the dream, I was outside in the pool area with two girls. I don't think they were family. We were chatting about this and that when I noticed a big humongous wave rising up out of the ocean and heading straight toward us. I shouted "Look Out!" and I put myself into a corner, turned my head away from the wave and covered the side of my face with my left hand. Though I had my face hidden, somehow I could still see the progress of the wave. It kept getting bigger and bigger and looming over us like a...well a tidal wave. Strangely, I never really felt the wave slam into me or swallow me into itself. Sure, I felt a few splashes of water, however, I was mostly unharmed by the wave. When I looked up, though, the two girls were gone.

What a strange dream!! What was I telling myself...that I was both loved "specially" by my parents and also somehow protected and unharmed by danger? Part of me realizes that the first half of the dream has to do with my perception of my family dynamic. In many ways, I feel as if I am the least loved, least respected and least appreciated child of the four of us kids. So, this was really a fantasy in a sense, ya know? All other children's faces are blurred and I am the center of attention in totally positive ways.

I can't begin to interpret the second half of the dream and perhaps I'm not supposed to do so, but the images were so precise and detailed that I had to write it down.

p.s. this mom isn't the same mother as the one in "I dreamed about her last night."