Haze

I've been here in Buna (Texas) with Pop for two months today. It has been a very interesting time for me. It has been an experience which is the EXACT OPPOSITE of my time with Guy and Gal up in Kilgore. He is almost always kind to me. If he isn't kind, I know that it is because he is in the midst of a "four hat" day. He almost always offers to pick up anything heavy for me. He wants to help in any way he can. I only have to ask for help and he gives it. He has never once called me a rude name. I find doing things for him are usually a pleasure. Of course, I'll admit--as I'm a human being--there are moments when the selfish little girl in me rears her head and I don't find it a pleasure, but I do it anyway; however, that is a digression, yeah?

The hardest part of this situation is really having to help him wade through the sea waters of confusion which accompany every person with Alzheimers. I cannot imagine what the world must look like for him. I often wonder if it is like those commercials that they're playing now about allergy medicine. The person is functioning in their lives, but everything is in a haze. Once they take the allergy pill, the haze is lifted and the person can smell flowers and see colors and enjoy their world.

I can imagine that this is what the world is like for Pop. One moment, he can see everything clearly and is enjoying himself and the next--blammo!--the haze is dropped and he is in this very very alternate reality. I say this because--really--the reality changes sometimes every second. I am often amazed at what he does remember. Sometimes we are sitting at the DQ and he'll tell me a short history of the house which sits next door. It was the house in which he was married. It belonged to the parents of his wife. He remembers that--at the time of the ceremony--the house was located in a--now defunct--nearby town, BessMay. The house was located near a then-active plant of some sort. When the plant closed, the town went legs up and the house was moved over to Buna, right next to the DQ.

And then there are the two, or three, or four hat moments. Moments after he tells me about the "wedding house", he may mention that it'll take us a while to get back to Buna--since we're in Oklahoma!!

Even with his brain functioning in a less than normal way, it is amazing to be around him. The things he comes up with are amazing. Tonight, he was certain that we HAD to stay here (though he didn't really want to do so) because we were the last defense against marauding teenagers dressed in their Halloween costumes. Then after a little nap, he was earnestly trying to convince me that we really didn't need to get out there in the dark to cut down those branches in the yard. What is even more amazing is how I--often--have to do mental gymnastics to figure out a way to calm him so that he can feel comfortable.

It is all so weird and normal and great and terrible and I really feel for him. And a part of me is praying that this doesn't happen to me. My luck is that I'll be a mean brat like Gal was. I really don't want to be mean.

Okay, this is becoming a bummer. I think I'll go.

Love y'all,

Loralee Fabulous :)