From the Cobwebs: The Quarterback

18SEP10-

In the mail today, I received a CD. It was Madonna's album "The Immaculate Collection." Most of her good songs are on this album. I don't really like anything else of hers, but that isn't the point of this post. Track 6 is "Crazy for you." I hadn't heard it in a while and so when I did, I remembered my high school crush vividly. A few years ago, i wrote a creative non-fiction article about this song and my memories. I'm pasting it here for y'all.

The Quarterback and Me

It was 9 p.m. that warm Spring evening in 1985. I stood in the bleachers of the well lit stadium at Judson High School. I was surrounded by my excited team-mates. We were cheering for our relay team as they raced against the other schools who were present at this post-regular-season track meet. Suddenly, though, it was all over and Steve and his three partners had lost the mile relay race. Groans surrounded me in the air where once, very recently, the Samuel Clemens Buffaloes cheered, en masse, with loud voices. I didn't really hear them, though. My mind and heart were elsewhere. I was watching Steve as he walked across the track, his disappointment evident in the defeated way that his head hung down. My eyes lingered with him as he continued across the field. They stayed with him as he opened the waist high gate on the unoccupied side of the field and walked through it's opening. My eyes clung to him as he plopped himself down on the ground in a sitting position; his elbows resting on his knees and his face in his hands. I decided something in that exact moment; and, for me, it was something brave. I was not naturally brave, so my decision surprised me, but only in retrospect. All I knew at that moment was that I needed to be there for Steve. I didn't really know the reasons why I should go to him; I just knew that I needed to go. I raced across the field toward the still open chain link gate. When I reached it, Steve was still there, head in hands. I didn't know at all what, exactly, I should do; I just knew I needed to comfort him.

I knelt down near Steve in the grass and placed my hand on his calf in an attempt to comfort him. I do not recall what I said to him because, to be honest, my focus was, suddenly, on something else entirely, namely, my hand on his calf. Steve responded to my words by lifting his head up out of his hands and looking at me with the sorrow that only accompanies defeat. I responded to my actions with shock. My hand was on Steve Slate's calf and was rubbing back and forth in the same way a mother does with that almost asleep baby on her shoulder. It is funny to me that I remember this series of moments out of the many moments which I experienced that day. I remember specific details even. For example, I almost can still feel his course leg hair underneath my fingertips. I remember recognizing (a little late, perhaps) that he really just wanted to be alone. I remember not saying much and walking away back toward the parking lot. I chose a seat alone on the second of our two buses and I sat near the open window, through which I could hear the music of the wind instruments that make up the opening strains of Madonna's "Crazy for you." And, I remember finally seeing him head across the field toward our buses. As he passed my window, he looked up at me. He smiled at me shyly at first. After all, we had just shared a special sort of moment, hadn't we? Then he crossed his eyes and stuck out his tongue. His face burst into his regular, confident, gorgeous smile. My heart skipped a beat because that smile was aimed at ME! You see, I was in love with him in the way only a fifteen-year old unpopular girl can love the well liked quarterback who is nice to her. I knew then that this smile did not mean what I would have previously hoped it would mean. What it did mean, though, was so much more BRILLIANT! Steve was telling me, "I recognize you. Though I am the popular quarterback and you are the total geek, we are kindred spirits."

I have felt many more feelings, thought many more thoughts, and connected with so many more people since that moment. Yet, despite the passage of nearly a quarter of a century that song sung by a youthful Madonna still brings to me the feelings of belonging, acceptance, respect and love that can only come from kindred spirits. And, you know what?? It still feels Brilliant.