Out of the Mouth of Babes: Political Wranglings

I wrote this "creative" blog back in the Spring of '07. The first paragraph actually occurred just as it was written, but the rest of it was my imagination gone crazy. Hope you enjoy it!


Out of the Mouths of Babes: Political Wranglings

Current mood:mob-like excited

We were driving to bible class one day last week when my neighbor, Troy, had to suggest a bit of discipline to one of his daughters. Well, you know, Elisabeth is only 2, and Abigail only 4..it's possible that a little mischievousness slipped in when their adorability was looking the other way, yeah? So, he asked the simple question to one of the girls regarding their need for some corporal punishment.

It was just seconds after a negative response was given that their car underwent an abrupt and massive change. No longer was the ceiling simply carpeted in a boring beige. Oh No! Red, White, and Blue colored confetti began falling from the ceiling, and, somehow, when we stopped to turn right onto Monarch, a brass band must've lifted up the hatchback and jumped in because I heard the strains of "Hakuna Matata" coming from the back of the car. I turned around to see what was causing the music when I saw Elisabeth standing at a lecturn giving a speech in the backseat of the car. "What is going on here?" I thought to myself. It was as if someone had cast an engorgement charm on the inside of the car. Suddenly it was as big as Laurie Auditorium in San Antonio. I have always been surprised at the number of people that can fit in the Leland's car, but on this day, I was beyond surprised. In front of Elisabeth's podium were thousands of excited people chanting her name over and over again. Many of them were carrying signs which proclaimed OUTLAW SPANKING TODAY!! I looked just beyond the podium and spied Abigail and Noah Jones up on stepladders hanging a huge banner which screamed NO SPANKINGS FOR EVERYONE!!

Suddenly I found that I was no longer in the car, but was standing in the crowd of Elisabeth's political fans. I began getting caught up in the excitement of it all! I began chanting her name along with my fellow activists. I wanted a sign to carry as well, but no one had any extras. I was contemplating running over to the H.E.B to grab a Marks-A-Lot and some poster board to make my own sign when the noise of the crowd began to lessen. I saw people pointing toward a location just to the left of the stage. I stood up on my tippie toes and craned my neck in hopes that I could catch a glimpse of whatever it was that was causing the commotion. Since politicians don't usually show up at their opponent's rallies, I was surprised to see Troy walking toward the stage with his head hung low. As he walked up the steps toward the podium, I saw Elisabeth step away from the podium and motion toward it with a welcoming gesture.

Troy nodded to Elisabeth and cautiously stepped up to the lecturn with a defeated look on his face. "Well" he began, "I guess you all know me. I'm Troy Leland, The Daddy." A few people in the crowd were booing and one heckler yelled "Go back to work, DAD!" but they stopped as soon as Elisabeth stepped forward and put her index finger to her lips and her index and middle fingers up in that universal elementary school symbol for "Hush, Y'all!"

"I've made a decision" began Troy again when the crowd had quieted, "There will be no more spankings for everyone." he said loudly. The crowd erupted in loud cheers. More red, white, and blue confetti began to fall from the sky. I heard someone nearby shout "We DID it Elisabeth! No Spankings For Everyone from now on!!" The din was deafening! So deafening, in fact, that the crowd missed the last thing Troy said before he walked away, his hand caught tightly in the hand of his wife, Sarah. "Henceforth" he announced to the jubilant and distracted crowd " Spankings will only be administered to those who deserve them."